Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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