No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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