She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
