It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
