We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
