You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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