Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
