I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
