There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
