i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
