the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
