Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
