Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
