I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
