Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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