I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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