I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
