So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
