Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
