would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
