Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
