If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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