How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
