Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
