2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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