I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
