You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
