At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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