im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
