I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
