I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
