Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
