Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sarcasm needs its own font
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
