I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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