I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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