If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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