I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
