You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
