Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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