someone get that fucking seahorse.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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