: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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