i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
