You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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