please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
