I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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