Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
