No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
