is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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