you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize