He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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