Me. At least after what I've been through.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize