Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
